Unsafe at Any Size

Huzzah!  I finally got a letter.

The backstory: after losing 110 lbs on Weight Watchers, I’m at a point where I’m feeling happy and healthy.  I’ve met my personal goals for weight loss.  Weight Watchers lets you come for free after you’ve maintained your goal weight for a certain amount of time.  These “lifetime” members get the support from other members for maintaining their weight loss, and can inspire them as they lose their own weight.

There are two ways to become a lifetime member: your weight can be within what the BMI says is healthy, or you can get a letter from your doctor saying a different weight is appropriate for you.

I haven’t lost enough weight to get to the BMI range for my height, and I haven’t after 2.5 years at WW.  I probably could, but I’m happy right where I am.  I’ve made a huge number of lifestyle changes, and at this time don’t feel like making more.

I thought that my regular doctor, who was on Weight Watchers himself and lost weight with the program, would be sympathetic.  But at my annual exam, he argued that based on statistics, people who are in the “normal” BMI range are healthier than those who aren’t.  Even those like me who have good cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. are more likely to hurt themselves when they fall because the weight makes them more top heavy.

Huh?

It’s hard to argue with someone who’s fully clothed when you’re wearing a paper napkin.  And he’s right, statistically speaking.  But there are statistics, and then there are the needs of individuals.  And this individual is DONE!

Fortunately, my gynecologist agreed with me!  At my visit yesterday I told her my plight, and she took mercy.  I now have a letter saying an appropriate weight for me is 170.  I finally feel like I’ve got some agency back!

As great as this news is, it doesn’t mean I can go on lifetime yet.  During my months-long hissy fit, I gained a few lbs I need to lose to get to that 170.  And Weight Watchers has you do 6 weeks on maintenance before you’re officially lifetime.  After that, if you go too high over your goal weight you need to pay.  Now THAT would be motivating for me.

So chocolate chip cookies?  Not interested.  Peanut butter sandwiches?  Nuh uh.  I’m on mission!

Wee, it’s a bumpy ride!  Last week, up 3.6, this week, down 3.0, for a total loss of 107.6.  I’m edging toward my little goal of 50 kg, which is 110 lost, and have decided on my next little goal: 40% of my original weight lost, which is 115.

These little magic numbers are helping me keep the fear and trepidation away.  Those of you just starting your journey might be surprised that I’m scared.  Of what?!?  You’d think the scary part is done.

But I’ve already made so many changes.  I’m nearly vegetarian now, I check my portions, I track my food, I exercise regularly, I eat more fruits and vegetables than I ever thought I could.  I plan what I’m going to cook every week, make a list, and prepare it all on the weekend so I don’t have to cook during the week.  I’ve got the office snacking demon under control (if not exorcised altogether), and sugar is bedeviling me less as well.

These are all changes I like and that I can live with.  But that’s a lot of changes.  What more do I have to do?!?  Aren’t these changes enough?  Isn’t losing 107 lbs enough?  If I have to make more changes, would they be changes I could live with, or would I be dieting?

At 5′6″ and 178, I have a BMI of 29: overweight.  I started at a BMI of 46.  I’m a size 14 on the bottom, and a 8 on the top (don’t ask, I come from the land of the pear people).  I talked to my dr about an ideal weight for me, and he suggested I still lose a few more.

155 is the high end for my height, so even if you believe the BMI is bogus as a means of measuring individuals (and I do) I still have a ways to go.  165 is probably plenty for me.

But I’m scared.  What else will I have to change?  And will it be change I can sustain?

Down another 0.2 this week, which is, as the title says, better than a poke in the eye.  I’m at 182.8, down a total of 103.4.

I’ve decided my goal weight is somewhere around 165.  This is 10 lbs higher than the BMI recommends for my height, but as you probably read, the BMI is bogus for a number of reasons.  I don’t think it’s a realistic number for me, anyway; I want to be comfortable and not starving all the time.  I’m fairly muscular now, and rather small on top (actually fit in a small shirt last week at Macy’s) but have a lot of junk in the trunk.  With all the squats I’m doing now I’d like to think the fat is covering lots of muscle, but it’s hard to be sure!

At the rate I’m going, it will take me way over a year to accomplish this goal.  Yikes.

We still have a substitute leader at my meeting, and the ranks have been very thin; we miss our cranky leader, and aren’t happy about all the perkiness this substitute leader brings.  I hope she comes back soon!