Unsafe at Any Size

I discovered something VERY strange in my upper arm yesterday.  Hard… what is that?  Yes, that would be a bone.  I’ve known apocryphally that there must be a bone in my upper arm, as my elbow and shoulder must be attaching to something to work, but it’s another thing altogether to be able to feel it.

Rediscovering parts of my body has been one of the strangest parts of weight loss.  It’s neat, but also a little weird and disorienting.  I recall reading somewhere about a man who was losing weight and went to the doctor panic stricken about what he thought was a tumor, but it was actually his sternum.

Our sense of self, our identities, includes our bodies, and as our bodies change, sometimes our sense of self needs to catch up.  For some people, according to this MSNBC article, they still “see” themselves as their old selves:

Body-image experts say it’s not uncommon for people, especially women, who have lost a lot of weight to be disappointed to some extent to discover that they still aren’t “perfect.” The excess fat is gone when they reach their goal weight, but they may have sagging skin, cellulite or a body shape that they still deem undesirable. Like Hicks, some even continue to see themselves as though they are overweight.

I’m not disappointed, but I am constantly having to readjust what I think of myself.  Because my husband is losing weight, too, I’m rediscovering him, too, and watching him go through the same process (“Did you know the ribs on the bottom don’t go all the way around?”).  It’s fun, but I have to admit it’s unsettling, too.

What are you learning about yourself?

Stretch marks.  If you’re fat, or you were fat, you’ve got ‘em.  If you are/were really fat, you’ve got a lot of them.  You probably have them if you ever had a baby, and maybe if you are one of those crazy weight lifter types.

And you’re not getting rid of them.  If they’re red, they’ll get lighter and more silvery with time.  You can pay a lot of money for dermabrasion and lotions, and they’ll make your stretchmarks more silvery, from what I can tell in the photos.  But they’ll get that way anyway.

A LOT of people have stretch marks.  More than you think.  Even people you think of as thin.  Why don’t you see them?  Chances are, you don’t look at others as critically as you do at yourself.  Some people cover them up, but from what I notice (and honestly, I’m not a real people watcher) people who really aren’t playing up their best features are letting them hang out.

So it makes me a little sad when I read posts from people just starting on their weight loss journey who are worried about what their skin will look like when they lose weight.

It makes me sad I was (and am!) one of those women.

There are a lot of things about myself I have control over, but stretch marks simply aren’t one of them.  Or I did have control over them, back in the day when I gained weight, but no longer.

They are scars on my skin from my higher weight, and given the alternative of having large, weeping sores, I guess stretch marks are  as good a way as any to cope with problem of  having a set amount of skin covering more person than it was designed for.  As I lose weight, I’m amazed to see them places I never knew had them.

The stretch marks will be there regardless of whether or not I lose weight.  Heck, being the mother of twins, I’d probably have lots of stretchmarks even if I was never heavy.

And as I age (oi! am I aging!), I’m sure there are many more delightful changes in store, and I won’t like those much either.

But I’m working on not thinking about them.  And I’m working on making the body underneath fit.  Those are the things I can control.  With any luck, the skin will decide to work with the program.