Well how about that! After three and a half years, two of them spent 16 lbs away from my goal, I finally made it!
No, I haven’t been writing lately, because I didn’t have anything to say. I felt that I had already reached my bigger goal, that of living the life I wanted to live. So if that was the case, why did I continue with Weight Watchers?
Honestly, I don’t know. Stubborn? Crazy? Why keep paying when from what I could see nothing was changing, and I didn’t really care that much if it did?
One thing that staying on the program gave me was the support and tools to stay where I was at. Like pretty much everyone, I have been extremely successful at losing weight in the past. I had also been expert at regaining it. I have been happy where I’ve been, and if nothing else wanted to stay there. I am a creature of habit, and my weekly meeting is a good habit.
A few things have changed for me recently that have contributed to achieving this goal. One is I’ve taken up yoga. I know those who are serious about exercise as a means of burning calories pooh pooh yoga because it doesn’t burn as many calories as more intense exercise. What yoga has given me is the ability to focus on what is going on in my body and to understand it better. I’ve learned to appreciate my strengths and weaknesses, and to look at both in the spirit of “huh, that’s interesting!” as opposed to something I want to change or fix. I’ve learned I’m really good at twists, and very bad at one leg balances like tree pose. Huh, that’s interesting!
Yoga has given me another means of quieting all those chattering voices in my head. For me it’s moving meditation, a focus on my body and my breath. The shitty committee in my head gets to take a break.
Another thing that’s made a change for me is the new PointsPlus program from Weight Watchers. I have done it sporadically, I confess. Yes, you get more points, but my favorite dishes were more points! My little cup of lentils was 5 points! And the cup of rice I put it on? ANOTHER 5 points! WTF?!
The new program made me realize that although all my carbs were the good kind, I was still eating too much of them. I’ve cut back on the cup of rice to a half.
The biggest thing that’s changed, though, is how I see myself. Some time ago, after I initially lost a hundred pounds, I was in a department store with my kids and saw a strange person in a mirror holding their hands. I was surprised to realize that was me! Many people had told me they didn’t recognize me, and apparently I didn’t recognize myself.
Cut to about six weeks ago. I had a dream where I was seeing myself in the mirror, but it wasn’t my current face; it was my face from four years ago. I was startled, and thought “that’s not me.” And it was me, but it isn’t anymore. I think that dream was the moment when I was able to finally embrace the face I have now.
Since then, I’ve found it a lot easier to eat just until I’m full. I eat, I see if I’m still hungry, and if I am, great! I eat some more. If I’m not, then ok! Sounds easy, you’ve heard it a million times, but I guess it takes a lot of practice.
So now that I’ve made my goal, will I be writing more? I don’t know! I have the Weight Watchers 6 week maintenance program to go through, and I’m trying not to be too overconfident about it. There’s a lot more my body has to teach me yet.
And this goal isn’t the end. It never was.
