Unsafe at Any Size

I got rid of a bunch of old shoes that didn’t fit the other day.  They were practical: they were wide enough, could be worn with a skirt, and they were flat so I could walk in them.  They were also mostly mary jane style; you know, the kind that have a strap over the instep.  I got a lot of that style because they could be wide up front where I needed it, and the strap kept the shoe on in the back.

After my recent shoe purge, I needed to get some new ones (right?  I mean, there’s room in my closet.).  I found two pairs of mary janes from Zappos (love love love them!) and they arrived so fast I didn’t even have time to pine for them.

They were ok.  They were very fashionable, especially as mary janes go.  But… I realized I don’t like this style anymore.  Not only that, I’m not sure I ever liked them; they did the job, and that was the best I could hope for.

But you know what?  I don’t have to settle anymore.  I can be picky!  I never had an opportunity to pick before; my choices were so constrained by what was available in my size and what my feet could tolerate, I was happy I could find anything.

Being picky means I need to think about what I want to pick.  What do I want to wear?  What is my style?

I don’t know!  But I’m looking forward to finding out.

I bought a new pair of black boots, and a brown shoe.  Both have a bit of a heel, though nothing terrible.  If I want to take a long walk, I can always change into sneakers.

Best of all, my new shoes aren’t dowdy, or at least I don’t think they are right now.  It’s nice to know that now I have options.

Pile of shoes! Do you want them?

I always admired those fat women who could wear cool shoes.  Maybe we couldn’t get the coolest clothes, but at least their shoes could be great.

Me, I was never so lucky.  My shoe size was 10 1/2 WW, so pickings were slim.  Even if I could find them, heels just made my feet hurt.  When I was young, shoes in that size just didn’t exist, so I ended up wearing 11 or 11 1/2 M, and they didn’t fit right.  No wonder I didn’t want to move around much!  Thank goodness I could get sneakers in men’s sizes, and there wasn’t much difference.

Even though I only wear a few pairs, my husband thinks I’m first cousin to Imelda Marcos because I have so many pairs of shoes cluttering up the closet.  Because getting shoes was such a trial, I almost never threw out a pair.  Even if they didn’t really fit or I didn’t like to wear them, I kept them because they were so hard to find… and so expensive.

But just as I’ve been getting rid of my larger size clothes, it’s time to get rid of the larger shoes.  Even when they did fit me they weren’t attractive, and now they don’t even fit me.  Who knew that feet could shrink, too?  Not in length, but now a normal width works for me.  I could probably wear heels, too, but after all this time in sensible shoes I’m just not a heels kind of gal.

To my old shoes, I bid adieu.  Next, it’s off to Zappos!

One of the worst things about being fat is the lack of affordable, attractive clothing.  I’ll never forget the sinking feeling I had as a kid when I could no longer get clothes at the “normal” stores.

My only options were Lane Bryant, which wasn’t all that fun back then, and Women’s World.  You’d think a World for large women’s clothing would be, well, larger, but it was a small world, after all.

Shopping for clothes was so miserable I wouldn’t go; instead, my mom would buy clothes, and would return them if they didn’t fit.

As I got older, shopping got easier… and harder.  Plus sizes started showing up at more stores, but their definition of plus sized wasn’t keeping up with me; I was past their limit of size 24.   At my heaviest, I was even pushing the limit of plus sized stores; I needed a wider Avenue.

There were so many great catalogs, though, and I did most of my shopping through catalogs or online.  I didn’t have to go Roaman through stores looking at my Silhouette.

The surprising thing about losing weight was how long I could still wear the same clothes.  But once even the dresses started to look like burquas, it was off to the store.

And then I lost more weight, and it was back to the store again.

And AGAIN.

Now, many of you are saying, what a great problem to have!

Yes, well.  I’m not keeping any clothing around that doesn’t fit, so that means there is a big bag for Goodwill in the bedroom at all times, waiting for more donations.

Do I buy a wardrobe even though I may not be able to wear it in a few months? The expense!

And then there’s the variety.  One thing you didn’t need to worry about at Women’s World was being overwhelmed by the variety.  Now, not only do I have endless numbers of stores to choose from, but an endless variety of clothes in each.  Thrift stores and discount stores are the worst: no two pieces are alike.

I’m just overwhelmed.  I need one of those makeovers.  Or a personal shopper.  Or….. Mom!

It is a good problem to have, but it’s another way losing weight has taken me out of my comfort zone.  I understand better why I’ve relapsed in the past: the changes in my life extend beyond my food and my exercise, but to just about everything I take for granted.

By being conscious of these changes, I can have the courage to face them.  Right?

Now, someone give me courage to face the fall fashions!